10/14/12
The moment I heard about the word 'meme', I was thinking about the memes in 9gag like this one:
I guess it's a different kind of meme. LoL. I was recently tagged by my blog friend Bing to answer thirty questions in just one word and here it goes.
1. Where is your cell phone?
Bag
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Awesome
3. Your hair?
Messy
4. Your mother?
Sweet
5. Your father?
Hardworking
6. Your favourite item?
Converse
7. Your dream last night?
Forgotten
8. Your favourite drink?
Chocolate
9. Your dream car?
Cool
10. The room you are in?
Cozy
11. Your ex?
None
12. Your fear?
Rejected
13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
Globetrotter
14. Who did you hang out with last night?
Friend
15. What you’re not?
Shallow
16. The last thing you did?
Talk
17. What are you wearing?
Casual
18. Your favourite book?
Bible
19. The last thing you ate?
Pancit
20. Your life?
Blessed
21. Your mood?
Tired
22. Your friends?
Mixed
23. What are you thinking about right now?
Many
24. Your car?
None
25. What are you doing at the moment?
Typing
26. Your summer?
Working
27. What is on your TV?
None
28. When is the last time you laughed?
Evening
29. Last time you cried?
Weeks
30. School?
Nostalgic
Don't forget to visit Bing's website Warmstone--brings warmth in the coldness of life. =D You can also try this one out and share a little something about yourself. =3 That's all!
6/10/12
Just seeing this video makes me smile. =) But it seems my mum is laughing more in this video though. LoL. I miss my nephew.
4/2/12
when the sun is up
i wake up with a yawn
and my mouth is dry
you are my witness
when i pack my things
take a bath
and prepare to go
you are my witness
when i start my day
do my work
and eat my food
you are my witness
when the moon arises
i'm ready to sleep
and dream sweet dreams
you are my witness
you are my witness
when my pillow is wet
and my blanket is soaked
with bitter tears
you are my witness
when i grieve
over a lost loved one
kept in a secret
you are my witness
when someone needs my help
and i kept my hands
because of my fears
you are my witness
when i pray and meditate
for everything to be okay
and to keep my spirit strong
you are my witness
because you are my God
3/31/12
Right now, I just want to rant about something that recently happened which shook me a bit. I'm supposed to sleep but I can't. Not with what I just found out with regards to my Adsense account. I must be so naive to trust someone so easily I barely know with something that can leave this effect to me. I can't say that I regretted trusting that person because for every experience, there is an underlying lesson that can be learned from that. I am just shaken right now because what he did to me was still so fresh in my mind and well, yes, I did not expect it to happen. This made it even harder.
There's two instances already that this has happened to me. I trusted them too easily even though I barely know them. Yes, I may have made a mistake by giving it so easily. From the first instance, I definitely have learned my lesson and I am careful to who I trust with regards to that. However, for the second instance, I can't really say that it was the same. I did weigh the pros and cons in trusting him. I was thinking that, hey, he's helping me get something from this somehow semi-abandoned blog and bring it back to life and I couldn't care less about adsense anyway or what it can bring to my blog. So why shun the opportunity? And I didn't even ask for the details of what he was doing behind the scenes since he said he was going to take care of it. Little did I know he was doing some sort of black magic. O.o I guess I also lost hindsight because I was beginning to see results from whatever it is that he is doing. My adsense was generating $$. So I thought everything went well until... he deliberately cut off ties with me. That's when I knew something was wrong.
As you can see in my blog I don't have any adsense anymore because it has been disabled. Because he made a mistake. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but because of the mistake he committed, he completely cut off ties with me without even explaining or apologizing about what happened. Honestly, I really couldn't care less if it was disabled so I am not that affected when it was disabled. I am shaken by the fact that after it happened, he suddenly disappeared like a magician! Along with his black magic tricks! *sigh* It would have been nice if he apologized and explained what happened and tell me this and that but no. He avoided the situation because his plan failed and who knows what he's gonna do afterwards. He's probably going to find a possible prospect to negotiate with and when it fails, he can just disappear without a trace. No loss at his part because it's not his account that is endangered.
Somehow I wish I could come up with a resolution and I just want him to know that it doesn't matter if my adsense account was disabled because of him. I'm not generating anything from it anyway. I just hope that he's not going to do it to others as well and bloggers and publishers of adsense must be vigilant as this can happen to anyone. So yes, lesson learned goes back to not being naive in trusting things to anyone so easily.
9/2/11
time to let go
of past hurts
past pains
troubled past
time to be free
from the burdens
worldly cares
of this world
time to give up
carnal desires
selfishness and greed
and hatefulness
time to give in
to God's will
His purpose
in our lives
time to surrender
our everything
to Him and Him alone
who gives life
time to pray
for ourselves
for our loved ones
for salvation
time to worship
to our powerful God
always and everyday
forever eternally
It's time to give everything to God.
6/23/11
I am thankful for the blessings that God has endowed upon me these past few days. That includes those good people who shared their blessings to me. Last Monday, I was able to experience something that I've longed to happen. Something that I would want to happen again. For it makes my heart glad and it makes me realize good things. Not just for my own, but I offer this to the Lord.
I'm glad because my work mate invited me to an outreach program wherein we would go to a certain organization to visit and care for a group of people. I'm hoping that I can do this again and I pray that I will be proactive enough to be engaged in these kinds of activities.
We went to an organization called Missionaries of the Poor where it housed both special children and the elderly. It was actually my first time so I did not know what to expect. But it was quite a relief. It gave me a sense of fulfillment. Although, I made some mistakes at some point, I'm still glad because I was able to reach out and I was able to experience it. I'm not just thankful and glad about it, but I feel blessed to learn a lot from it. I learn a lot from really good Christians about God, about this life, about faith, about being instruments of the Lord. They shared a lot of things and just that enough makes my heart joyful. It was truly one of those moments where I really felt God's presence among us.
Well, I'm more fond of kids rather than the elderly so I may be a bit biased between our visits. I feel sorry for all those special children in that organization. When I saw them, I wondered what they are thinking and how do they go through life. It must have been hard for them to be retained there and not be able to do anything about their situations. It must be difficult for them to go on with their lives with the circumstances they are in. Before, I've always wondered what will happen to people like them when the time comes. Not just them actually, but people who have troubles with their psyche. I wonder if they will go to heaven or to hell since they are not in their healthy minds (That's why I've always been interested in the study of psychology because I believe it's harder and much needed to cure mental illnesses than physical ones.)
Then one work mate shared something that totally made sense which is not far from what I was speculating about. He told us how blessed we are to be able to go about our lives and have fun. He told us how blessed we are to have our own jobs, our dreams, and all the things that God has given ti us. But then, he also made us realize that those children there may be confined to that little space but they are happy in their own ways. They are not constricted or troubled with the problems of this world. And it's a positive that they will go to heaven with God since they haven't done anything wrong. While we, here on the outside world, are exposed to bad things and troubles and temptations. And we may or may not go to heaven. And he is right in saying that. He said a lot of things actually that made me realize and think. And it's no coincidence that I was brought into that place and experience those things. I am truly grateful because of what just happened.
I feel sorry for the elderly as well. I could see some old men there who were even younger than my father and yet they are there in that organization. I feel bad because they have been abandoned by their relatives, children, etc. It makes me realize how precious my parents are and that I should care for them during their old days. I should make them feel blessed and loved in the remaining time they have here on earth. I feel bad because I haven't really done anything to make them feel special. I'm such a pain to them. I just pray and hope that I will have enough courage and will to be able to care for them like never before.
I really admire those people who made that outreach happen and who are able to change lives in their own ways. I'm really thankful for it inspired me to become a better instrument for God's glory.
8/6/10
It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus is the way
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road
But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
Jesus is the way
It's a song from a Christian band called Casting Crowns. It's a really beautiful song and somehow, it's the first time that I was able to fully grasp the meaning behind the song. The meaning is very true especially for Christians nowadays. Sometimes, we choose who we should share the Good News if he or she is fitting to be included in the Church or for any other reason. But this should not be the case. The Good News is for everyone and no one should be exempted to embrace it.
As a Body of Christ, Christians should reach, heal, and teach others that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Churches are getting crowded every Sunday. But some are just fading into the background, not realizing that it's not enough to just go to the Church and worship Him. We all have a part to make the Word of God known to people. We should shine the light of Jesus. Since we are the Body, we should be spreading the word of Jesus Christ. We should show everyone that we are Christians not just inside the Church but it must reflect all throughout our lives. It will be hard especially now that the world is rearing to the opposite of what the Bible is teaching, but through prayer and through the Grace of God, this is very possible. You just have to believe and have faith. We will fall down but we will stand up nevertheless and hope will never be lost as long as we're alive. :)
8/2/10
Whew! Finally got to my second home and I feel so exhausted. Just got back from the airport and I'm a bit dizzy. O.o (I guess I prefer liners than airplanes for that matter. I get to walk around and sleep comfortably in a ship. I would love to experience getting aboard cruise liners soon. :)
Anyway, I just want to share my first travel experience in a different place from my working place and hometown without my parents! :) I was traveling with only my sister and her friends and it was both an exciting and exhausting experience. Lots of things happened. Good. Bad. But all the while, it was amazing and probably one of the most memorable experiences I've had in my life (for now...)!
In just 5 days, I was able to pass by around 6 different places, was able to stay in 3 different houses, 1 condo unit (but just a little while), 5 shopping centers/malls, and 1 amusement park. I was able to ride my first train ride as well. Heheh. Uhm...most of the things I will share here are my firsts so pardon me for my ignorance. Lol. xD
The first part of our trip unfortunately did not go very well. Like the Filipinos that we are, time is not our side. We are in a hurry as we went to catch our flight and thus, I forgot to bring a few essentials. So advice number 1 (well for people like me...): Always make a list of things that you will bring in for your trip so that you can make sure that you have all the things that you need. You can also consult your list when you're about to travel back so that you will not leave some things behind.
That situation alone was enough to start me off at a bad mood. I was feeling really excited about the whole thing and well...it kind of disappeared a little bit. It was even worsened by the fact that I had to check in my baggage due to large liquids and our flight was set up to have no check in baggages. I didn't know that large liquids are not allowed to be carried in! >.<
So we were already in the plane and my excitement is slowly creeping in. Everything went fine until something happened that really changed the course of our trip as well as making it easier and safer. Let's just say it was kind of a blessing in disguise. Like you want to ask why is this happening (in a bad way) and at the same time you're grateful that it happened. The bad thing about the incident was that someone who smelled alcohol in the face was making unnecessary advances to my sister! I was really dumbfounded when it happened. I did not know what to do. Even my sister did not know what to do. It was very awful! And somehow, that made me thinking that this ain't gonna be an easy-going trip. We have to be extra cautious and careful at all times. And, like my mom said, never give your full trust to strangers. But actually there are two kinds of strangers. Strangers who are good and strangers who are bad. So maybe that kind of rule depends. It's just a matter of knowing who offers genuine help!
It really pays to know the do's and don'ts of establishments. Sigh. How was I suppose to know. Anyway, because of that, we had to pay some extra money just so we can continue on with our flight. Tsk2x So advice number 2: Don't bring large liquids if you are going on a trip on an Econo-Light Flight (no check in baggages).
So we were already in the plane and my excitement is slowly creeping in. Everything went fine until something happened that really changed the course of our trip as well as making it easier and safer. Let's just say it was kind of a blessing in disguise. Like you want to ask why is this happening (in a bad way) and at the same time you're grateful that it happened. The bad thing about the incident was that someone who smelled alcohol in the face was making unnecessary advances to my sister! I was really dumbfounded when it happened. I did not know what to do. Even my sister did not know what to do. It was very awful! And somehow, that made me thinking that this ain't gonna be an easy-going trip. We have to be extra cautious and careful at all times. And, like my mom said, never give your full trust to strangers. But actually there are two kinds of strangers. Strangers who are good and strangers who are bad. So maybe that kind of rule depends. It's just a matter of knowing who offers genuine help!
Anyway, because of that incident, we were able to meet a good kind of stranger. I can really feel her sincerity when she told us how she felt when that awful man was making advances to my sister. She was angry by what the man did and even suggested on spilling her hot coffee on that man! Tsk2x. O.o. She even asked us if we knew the guy since he was casually doing things as if he knows us. I was simply dumbfounded when it happened and I was really glad that someone came to our aid and offered help. I can really feel the sincerity of her help and never did I think of awful things about the help she offered. She even offered to give us a ride and even offered for us to sleep in their condo! Whew! Just like my sister said, it is very very rare to meet people like these who offer genuine help to strangers (like us in this case) especially in a bustling place like Manila were very bad people are prevalent (ehhh...compared to other provinces perhaps?O.o). She even told us about places to see in Manila. Of course there's the Mall of Asia then historical places like Intramuros (unfortunately, I wasn't able to go to this place), and then Rockwell (where the rich and famous usually hang out) and a shopping centre nearby their place called Serendra. From among the places she mentioned, I was only able to go to Mall of Asia and I can say that I have almost toured the whole mall in more than 5 hours! Lol! I was able to walk around the whole department store and was crossing back and forth between the main part of the mall and the second part. I feel like I'm already familiar with the place. Hehe. I just love strolling in the mall even when I don't have anything to buy! (but I can't help it I still did make little unnecessary purchases while window shopping!) But, I have this wild idea of tasting food of each of the food establishment/stall there and buying even at least one kind of item of each store (probably the cheapest xD) there if given the opportunity. Hehe. Sometimes I get really carried away. xD The one store that I really wish would be available here in Cebu is the Comic Alley! (maybe I can do a franchise of it? xD) It's sort of an Anime Shop where you can buy all sorts of Anime stuff and it feels like a haven! Lol! I love the place! Even if it's small (I wish it was bigger), I like to go back there and just stare at the pretty things. xD There were anime posters, cellphone holders, necklaces, CDs, bags, etc. And all of them are Anime-themed! And well, I made some little unnecessary purchases in there since I know I won't be able to find those stuff in Cebu. Hihi. xD I was also able to experience the cinema there as well and I was disappointed because I expected. It's human nature so pardon me. I was disappointed by the fact that since it's like THE Mall of Asia, I was expecting that the cinema was larger (compared to some cinemas in Cebu). I even got into an argument with a friend when I expressed my disappointment about it. Oh well...people differ. We watched Salt and it's mind-blowing! xD Uhm..that will be another post. xD One thing I missed going about at MoA was the skating rink. :[ Too bad I wasn't able to glide on ice. It was like one of the things I've dreamed of doing! Lol! Oh, and thanks to Ms. Grace Ty for all the help she has given us. Hopefully we can lend a helping hand to her to repay her kindness. Just by what she did makes us want to pay the good deed forward to other people as well. It is really a nice feeling to meet a stranger who offers genuine and sincere help.
Well, that's just the first part of my travel and it's already sooo long. I really write a lot when it comes to stuff like these (my ideas and thoughts are really mixed so pardon me if I jump from one topic to another in a single paragraph). Probably I'll be the only ones who's going to read it because it's really long and probably boring. Hehe. But I dunno. I just want to write out my travels (from now on) especially now that I feel like my dream is gradually taking into shape. Hehe. I'll probably write the latter parts of my trip there when I have time and when I feel like writing them. Just the fact that I've been to 6 different places is enough to make me feel so relieved and happy and good. It's a really good experience. Traveling eases my soul and gives me a calm and good feeling. It's like I'm free and not tied or restricted to anything. No boring routines of life. Hehe. xD Anyway, there are just so many beautiful places here in the Philippines that I want to travel and experience all of those places. Be it resorts and beaches or malls and shopping centres. Now what I need is a really good camera to showcase these places. Time to save up! xD
5/21/10
lonely sands of timedrifted moist wood ashore
handful of solitary tears
still asking for more
intricate levels of confusion
washed up all aboard
delicate scents of serenity
divides the mind like a sword
freedom from within
coiled up in melancholy
frown with a twisted smile
wrapped up in a folly
waking up once again
wake up from reality
candid and feeling despair
soiled over surreality
*poem out of boredom
*poem out of nowhere
*poem out of nowhere
most people are dumb
some people are clever
smart, but never wise
most people are shallow and superficial
some people are deep
yet selfish
some people are loud
with empty hearts
some people are pretentious
full of insecurities
some people have talents
full of arrogance
no one's a genius
unlike before
few people have good hearts
sharing it to the poor
few people understand
only to be misunderstood
most people are insensitive
unfeeling, cold and numb
yet sensitive and selfish
only caring about their own feelings
most people fall in love
yet few know about love
most people are intoxicated
with dumb infatuation
most people think
infatuation is love
but few people have unfailing love
yet even fewer are faithful
few people feel
the greatest love of all
humanity is complex,
yet simple
understanding,
yet betraying
beautiful,
but cruel
a painful existence of perpetual bliss.
some people are clever
smart, but never wise
most people are shallow and superficial
some people are deep
yet selfish
some people are loud
with empty hearts
some people are pretentious
full of insecurities
some people have talents
full of arrogance
no one's a genius
unlike before
few people have good hearts
sharing it to the poor
few people understand
only to be misunderstood
most people are insensitive
unfeeling, cold and numb
yet sensitive and selfish
only caring about their own feelings
most people fall in love
yet few know about love
most people are intoxicated
with dumb infatuation
most people think
infatuation is love
but few people have unfailing love
yet even fewer are faithful
few people feel
the greatest love of all
humanity is complex,
yet simple
understanding,
yet betraying
beautiful,
but cruel
a painful existence of perpetual bliss.
4/1/10
"Things happen because you choose it."
A friend just forwarded me a text message starting with these very words. And I have the feeling to disagree with it. Especially now.
Things happen not because you choose them, but because they are bound to happen. The only choice you have is how you react to these things that are currently happening. Somehow, it takes a lot of strength and a lot of faith to hold on especially when things don't go your way.
Right now, gloominess seeps in again (Very familiar with this atmosphere that I can say it doesn't affect me that much now unlike before). This is probably because of a realization I have just found out while talking to my friend. Some things right now are happening not because of my choice but because of people's choices. Gradually, I'm losing all of the people I love--my family, my friends, and someone I deeply hold so dear. I'm not the kind of person who experiences home sickness a lot. In fact, I love change and the new freedom I have as I set foot on this new environment. What made my deepest feelings evoked was the realization that there was a certain pattern on the things that have been going on in my life ever since an incident happened in college. It can even be traced back to some time in college wherein someone unintentionally somehow screwed me up.
The joy of having a new freedom and change has it's own setbacks. I was losing physical contact with my family. I barely communicated with them but it did not really bother me that much for I know that even if they are physically away, they are here within me. Just the same with my friends. It gives me much joy when I contact them through various electronic mediums and when I come home and meet them, it gives me a sense of joy and excitement that I could not have possibly obtain if I were stuck with them always.
But then, it seems like everything is following the same pattern. I lost someone whom I thought was worthy. I lost a friend. And then I lost physical contact with my family and friends. After that, as I was able to warm up to my new working environment, the people whom I have shared bits of my life with are gradually falling away too. At the first parts of my working life, people whom I was starting to know where disappearing and falling away. The group that I have bonded with was slowly disintegrating. And what's more distressing was the fact that the people who are more closer to me in the group were the first ones who left. I had a hint this was coming and I knew that I have no choice to make them stay. It was their choice. Who was I to stop them? I don't want to force people into my life. Much as I don't want people to force themselves to me. I just let things follow their own beat. And most of the time, their beat is different than mine. I knew it was coming and rather than mourning for the fact that they're gone, I prepared myself for the emotional disruptions it would cause me. I tried to picture out myself without them and to look for better ways to compromise with the new situation.
Things rather went out kind of fairly well. But then some things happened recently which made me aware of this pattern. That people I love are gradually falling away from me. And it's rather happening on an abrupt pace. And at some point, history repeating itself. I don't know why this is happening. What purpose it serves me. Is it a fact that somehow my personality or my whole being attracts this kind of phenomenon? Or maybe I'm just too emotional and I feel things rather more deeply than most people I know? Probably (The disadvantage of being too sensitive!>.<) It rather led me to confusion. One time, I theorized that this is probably happening to prepare me for a future where changes will gradually be happening quickly---like probably travelling around the world? Lol. I wish. A close friend I have confided this pattern told me that this was happening so that it will give me more opportunity to meet more people and to not restrain myself to a certain group. Or probably, she said, it would lead me to find that special someone. Lol! I don't know. Why can't I see it that way? All I know is that people I love are fading slowly away (and now faster than I imagined) and this pattern can go on and on if I don't do something about it.
*emo mode*
I'm feeling rather sappy today. And it greatly affects my writing. I think this is the only medium I can express my emotions on a deeper ground. And songs too! Usually my sappiness occurs when I listen to songs that remind me of something/someone, when I'm alone and have a lot of time to contemplate, think, reflect, and realize. Especially when things aren't going well in the external environment. I'm texting my friends and family today which really helped a lot in lessening this eecky sappiness and gloomy atmosphere. :)
I feel too much. I think too much. Bummer! It shows. >.<
I feel too much. I think too much. Bummer! It shows. >.<
3/27/10
It was a rather gloomy night.
I was sobbing silently on the other line, holding it all in. I got carried away by my feelings I forgot he was on the other line. I hope he did not hear me sipping soup or something. It'd be sooo embarrassing.
Then he played this song on his end.
when I was younger
i saw my daddy cry
and curse at the wind
he broke his own heart
and I watched
as he tried to reassemble it
and my momma swore that
she would never let herself forget
and that was the day that I promised
i'd never sing of love
if it does not exist
but darlin'
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
maybe I know, somewhere
deep in my soul
that love never lasts
and we've got to find other ways
to make it alone
or keep a straight face
and I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable, distance
and up until now
i had sworn to myself that I'm content
with loneliness
'cause none of it was ever worth the risk
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
i've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't
let go of what's in front of me here
i know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
ooh ooh...
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
and I'm on my way to believing
oh, and I'm on my way to believing
No matter what happens.
i saw my daddy cry
and curse at the wind
he broke his own heart
and I watched
as he tried to reassemble it
and my momma swore that
she would never let herself forget
and that was the day that I promised
i'd never sing of love
if it does not exist
but darlin'
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
maybe I know, somewhere
deep in my soul
that love never lasts
and we've got to find other ways
to make it alone
or keep a straight face
and I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable, distance
and up until now
i had sworn to myself that I'm content
with loneliness
'cause none of it was ever worth the risk
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
i've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't
let go of what's in front of me here
i know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up
leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
ooh ooh...
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
You are the only exception
and I'm on my way to believing
oh, and I'm on my way to believing
And every time I will hear this song, I know it will always remind me of him. And the tears I will shed for this.
No matter what happens.
3/17/10
I should not expect. I will not expect. I must not expect.
I should always keep this in mind especially on this or else, if everything blows up in my face, the breakdown would be so horrible. It would be difficult to get up again.
But then again, I should not base my happiness on others. True happiness should come from within. But feelings...*sigh* are too much. O.o
Hehe. Just a random useless blah from one of my thoughts today. XD
:)
this is like a dream
in a stream
full of wonder and gleam
it's the perfect timing
the one i'm wishing
got me to thinking
it completes the vow
and take a bow
it's here and now
it's like an illusion
a big delusion
into confusion
if this is all a dream
i never want to wake up
don't wake me up
i'll forever slumber and sleep.
3/6/10
I have just realized one thing. We all know that life is composed of ups and downs. It's a balance. But people pick up or choose what facet of their life they want to show among the public/people/environment.
There's no such thing (I think) as people who are always happy all the time. Or you see them as always cheerful and happy and they don't seem to have any problems or that they don't ever feel sad or distressed. It's just that, they choose to show the happy side of their life. They may have some sorrows and problems that may have been concealed. That doesn't mean they have more happiness than others. It's just that they choose to show it more and can be seen by more people.
Also, those people who you think must have been very lonely or sad or suffering because of the things that he or she have shown, doesn't mean that he or she is always like that. It just means that he or she chooses to show her negative emotions and feelings while he or she may feel happiness or joy that may not be seen by most people. I think this is how life goes. It's not really a matter of fact but rather a result of introspection, observation and perception. It is my own opinion. At least that's how I view it. One may contradict as he or she cannot relate to this conviction but for me, this is how I perceive it. People choose the emotion, whether negative or positive, they want to show to the public. It's a matter of choice. It may not be a subconscious choice. The mind sometimes play tricks on us and we tend to become impulsive on what emotions we want to show. Especially if the emotion is too strong.
On people having psychological problems, especially those people with manic depressive disorders, umm, that's another side of the story. Those people who are suffering from hyperactivity, over-excitedness?(i don't know the term...it's kind of hard to explain...i just read it from wikipedia and i kind of forgot), depression disorder...hmm...i don't know how their minds work actually but I do want to know. It's another topic. No wonder I am so fond of Psychology. This is another topic to delve on.
3/3/10
This is a pretty old song from Nelly Furtado but it's still a classic and the sense of the song is still so profound even to these times (it's really not that old anyway). It's one of my favorites and I just recently heard it and decided to write something about it while the feeling is still there.
According to Nelly, the song is about the reality of love. "My energy used to just go everywhere, but now I'm more grounded because I've found true love. The idea here is that, yeah, sometimes life sucks. But life is only so long, and somebody can come along who makes you want to be a better person."
It also shows the reality of life, not just love. The verses speak about the harsh realities that one faces in life and the chorus goes in and then love comes along...strong but struggling.
"And all I can do is TRY"
The song ends in a positive way that through these hardships and trials of life and love can freedom be achieved in a refined manner.
"We are free in our LOVE"
The song starts off with something that sounds like a heartbeat---it's like she really put her heart into this. It also has a kind of quietness depicted with using a few instruments in the beginning and comes on strong as the song progresses. The song kind of gives off a melancholic feeling (if you really absorb yourself in the music). It's not the kind of feeling you usually get when you listen to mushy love songs that you hear on the radio or anywhere (mainstream music) but the kind of feeling you get from the reality of life and love in general. Maybe it's just me. Lol. The ending had the strongest beat signifying a happy ending despite of all the hardships and failures that life and love brings.
In my perspective, the verses speak so much for me.
"All I know is EVERYTHING IS NOT AS IT'S SOLD
but the more I grow, THE LESS I KNOW"
Almost every line in the verse is something that I feel I can relate and connect to. They speak so much. It gives off an almost perfect portrayal of hardship and life's reality and how deceptive and ironic the world can be. It kind of makes you numb just to shut yourself out from the pain.
"I wish I hadn't seen all of the REALNESS
and all the REAL PEOPLE are really not real at all"
"The more I learn, THE MORE I LEARN
The more I cry, THE MORE I CRY
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me"
The chorus is how I perceive love. Someone comes along. Everything seems to change. Somehow the old you cannot fit in anymore to this new change since you have to compromise for love. Some things must be left behind. And somehow, you gradually change along with this new change (which can either be good or bad). And all you can do is try. You try to be the person he wants you to be. And vice versa.
"Then I see you standing there
WANTING MORE FROM ME
And all I can do is TRY"
"Then I see you standing there
I'M ALL I'LL EVER BE
But all I can do is TRY"
It's like saying I want to be the person you want me to be but this is me and all I can do is try to be that kind of person.
Some things don't change no matter how hard we try. And that's the beauty of it. You have to compromise and accept. That's where freedom exists in love. Just being yourself with that person accepting you wholeheartedly with all the good, the bad, and ugly in you.
"All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful
That's LIFE
That's YOU
This is ME
And we are FREE IN OUR LOVE"
Isn't it nice? ^_^
the stillness of your face
the hardness of your expression
captures my breath
and calms the soul in me
just the sight of you
takes my breath away
just a glimpse of you
melts my solitary heart
the depthness of your soul
creates music in my veins
the complexity of your heart
paints a beautiful scenery
my flaws and fears
seem to disappear
my insecurities
vanish away
you stole the darkness
that lingered in me
and covered my pain
with only your touch
you were a stranger
you are my beloved
the unforeseen missing piece
that perfectly fits
*for my future husband...lol! if he exists...
i don't wanna get caught
in a hole i can't get
out of my world you'll see
hidden secrets and fears
the ones you see are the
good ones, blunt surfaces
that make you be fooled
be trapped and be dazzled
but once you delve in too
much your heart can't contain
can't accept the secrets
that lie behind this face
it's better to be a
mystery, an enigma
be appreciated
by the surface you show
rather than be loathed
rejected or despised
by revealing all of
your whole entity
REALIZATIONS:
*sometimes i think it's better to know a person only on the surface than delving deeper into that person's heart, knowing his/her 'other side' coz there are just some things that are difficult to cope with*
*first impressions are quite misleading...as you get to know the person more and more...knowing his/her 'other side'...his/her 'other qualities'...his/her flaws and fears...either your appreciation and admiration grow deeper or it will diminish, vanish and fade subtly*
*but i do still want to create deep meaningful long-lasting relationships with a few chosen ones...the ones i can trust my whole self with...people who will know my flaws and fears yet accept me whole heartily...as i will do the same for them too...if i can cope with it (as long as it is still a humane flaw meaning he/she is not a sociopath O.o)...these kinds of people it seems, in this kind of world, are quite rare and difficult to find*
2/28/10
That's the whole concept about the course I just attended yesterday. I was supposed to write this yesterday but uh...due to my drowsiness I'm writing it now. :)
Yesterday, I attended a 'Wealth Course' at a mall. I even tagged my friend along and was able to convince him to try this. Who wouldn't want to retire young and retire rich?
I admit expectations can either disappoint, break or hurt you. And this was no exception. Or maybe, I expect too much. The meeting/seminar was already pictured in my mind and somehow reality does not always coincide with it (that sucks!). But yes I learned a lot from the experience. It talks a lot about financial education which SHOULD be taught in school because I think this is essential on becoming financially rich! Lol.
I can say that it takes a lot of motivation and determination to make this work. Like if you really want to be rich, you have to think and do things like rich people do. And you choose to do it. I was afraid and hesitant to pursue this because the process of becoming rich (or their process of becoming rich) might not be fulfilling to me as a person. It requires a lot of hard work and persistence and I might not be able to enjoy life the way I want it be if I pursue this.
The one part that really got me were the MONEY JARS. Money jars are a means of budgetting your money and separating them according to their purposes. Budgetting is one thing that I have difficulties mastering at. I hat to admit it but I'm an impulsive buyer/consumer and an impulsive buyer/consumer will never get rich. Lol. Right now, I'm trying to follow how the money jars work. According to it, you should divide your money into 5 separate accounts: 10% FFA (Financial Freedom Account), 10% LTSS (Long Term Saving for Spending), 10% EDUCATION, 50-55% NECESSITIES, 10% PLAY (Leisure and Entertainment), and 5-10% GIVE (Charity and Church).
When I tried to calculate my money according to this, I was not sure if this will work for me. 10% savings is really small. If I follow this, I think I would be able to buy my dream laptop...hm...maybe 10 years from now O.o I definitely don't want that to happen. I'm planning to buy it the soonest possible time so I have to really really really do a lot of savings. And I think that 50-55% for necessities is way too much. Or maybe not. Hmm... Are luxurious foods a necessity or is it included in leisure? Somehow I don't know where to put this and most of my money are spent on this (and grocery). If I put this in necessity then 50-55% is not enough. Lol. If I put it on 10% PLAY, then definitely this is not enough either. I think I have to think things over. O.o
Anyway, the 'Wealth Course' is like an eye opener. Well, I did have a basis already before I attended it on how this stuff works due to my sister and her boyfriend who have been lecturing me before about PASSIVE INCOME, FINANCIAL FREEDOM, INVESTMENTS and BUSINESSES. I was like, wow! this sounds like a great idea! But where do I start? O.o Trust me, becoming an employee or worker for the rest of your lives won't make you achieve this and won't gain you financial freedom (but most people feel comfortable already in this status quo like me. Lol). The concept here is let money work for you and not the way around (you don't work for money anymore. It's working for you). I think the course gave me a foundation to pursue this path to wealth. Lol. I'm still in Module 1 and I'm off to pursue Module 2 (I'm afraid I may not be able to finish what I started :S). There are still requirements though before I can pursue the next step and I don't know. Something in me is hesitant to proceed. What if this is not what I want? (It kind of hit me, it was also mentioned there that people who are not rich don't know what they want O.o) I'm not really good at following certain rules and policies and regulations (I break them! lol) and I prefer to be more flexible and at ease and open to possibilities when it comes to living my life and achieving my dreams and goals so I don't know if this will work for me. O.o But I don't think there's harm in trying. Or is there?
2/5/10
This is what I badly need right now... ^_^
and I hope you too! :)
Got this from an e-mail forwarded to me by my big sis! Thanx! :D
"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many kernels--a plentiful harvest of new lives."
-John 12:24
It's good to be passionate about your dreams, but did you know a dream can become an idol? If that's all you think about and you're not going to be happy unless it happens your way, that's out of balance. The fact is, sometimes you have to put that dream on the altar.
Are you frustrated because you're trying to force things to happen on your timetable? Sometimes we hold on to things so tightly, but actually, when we let them go, that's when God can bring them to pass. If you'll release that frustration and not let it become the center of your attention, but instead use that same time and energy to thank God that He's directing your steps, you open the door for God to give you the desires of your heart.
We have to remember, God already knows what we want and what we are in need of. He's the One who put those desires in us. We shouldn't be consumed by trying to make things happen. Instead, a greater act of faith is to be happy right where you are; to stay open and trust God because He has good plans in store for your future!
Here is a small prayer which you can say in accordance to this:
'Father God, today I release my dreams, my desires, my "wants" like a seed falling to the ground. I know that You have a good plan for my future, and I trust You to bring it to pass in my life. In Jesus' Name. Amen.'
INSIGHT: Just like everyone else, I have my frustrations. And sometimes, they consume all of me and I end up depress. I've been trying so hard to reach them, but then again, I know I have to let them go and give them to the One who has power over everything. I've been clinging to them for so long that I failed to realize only God can make everything right. All I have to do is to trust Him my dreams, my goals, my desires. Then I can be truly happy. :)
NOTE: I will be writing and dealing more about my faith and about God because this is one aspect of my life that is very very important to me. And just to let you know, I'm no saint and yes I have lots of flaws and frailties and mistakes and contradictions. But at least I'm trying. So uh...no offense to non-Christians who may come across this blog and who may get offended in one way or another. Peace y'all! ^_^v
Here is a small prayer which you can say in accordance to this:
'Father God, today I release my dreams, my desires, my "wants" like a seed falling to the ground. I know that You have a good plan for my future, and I trust You to bring it to pass in my life. In Jesus' Name. Amen.'
INSIGHT: Just like everyone else, I have my frustrations. And sometimes, they consume all of me and I end up depress. I've been trying so hard to reach them, but then again, I know I have to let them go and give them to the One who has power over everything. I've been clinging to them for so long that I failed to realize only God can make everything right. All I have to do is to trust Him my dreams, my goals, my desires. Then I can be truly happy. :)
NOTE: I will be writing and dealing more about my faith and about God because this is one aspect of my life that is very very important to me. And just to let you know, I'm no saint and yes I have lots of flaws and frailties and mistakes and contradictions. But at least I'm trying. So uh...no offense to non-Christians who may come across this blog and who may get offended in one way or another. Peace y'all! ^_^v
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